I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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