i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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