last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
