so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
