dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
