I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
