last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
