And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
