so that wasnt chicken after all
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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