I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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