they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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