And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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