it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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