That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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