I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
