so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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