He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
