i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
