Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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