and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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