Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
