My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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