she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
