I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
