Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
