when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
