if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
