ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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