i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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