summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
