Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize