are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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