Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize