Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
