watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
