Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize