the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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