I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
