Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm always down for nudity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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