You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
