sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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