My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
