That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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