I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
