It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
