I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
