I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
