is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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