i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
