dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize