oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize