happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize