you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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