yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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