perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
