I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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