i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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