I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
