i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
