yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
