I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
