Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
