My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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