remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
