Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
