I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
