Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
