im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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