I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
