So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
