Jerry, you need to find god
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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