were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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