his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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