Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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