You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
