I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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