Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
