I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
